Second Chances
by atomjenkins
Summary: Adrien is left feeling distressed over the events of 'Desperada'. Luckily his Lady is there to comfort him. One-shot. [Mid S3 Spoilers] [minor ladrien]


It was dark when Adrien returned home.

In truth, even after all the time spent on the fight against Desperada, the day had still dragged on – rehearsals had lasted well into the evening, and then Anarka had insisted on having everyone stay over for a gargantuan seafood feast on the Liberty. And then still after that, Jagged had even more fervently insisted that they all listen to and provide a detailed critique of some new songs he had been working on. After listening to the second song in a row featuring a ten minute long guitar solo, Adrien had politely excused himself – mentioning how there was only so long his father would believe a fencing class was going on for – and took his leave, with Kagami making much the same excuse about her mother. He didn't like to lie – and it wasn't a complete lie either, his father would certainly be displeased if he returned any later than he already had – and it wasn't as if he hadn't enjoyed the time he'd spent with his friends – truly he had, he would never not be grateful for the times he was permitted to leave his house to spend time with people other than his father, Natalie and the Gorilla.

But all throughout the afternoon something had been building inside him – while playing piano alongside Luka, while tucking into the delicious dinner, even while dancing and chatting with his friends – and it had got increasingly more distracting as time went on. He'd tried not to let it overcome him – he was a model, well-versed in maintaining a façade; so he'd been pleasant and amicable in conversation and he'd kept an expression of a soft, slight smile on his face at all times – but it had been hard to keep it in for so long, and Kagami, Marinette and Alya in particular had seemed to notice that over the course of the evening he'd grown quieter, distant, retreating into himself more and more. And all throughout the silent car journey home in the car and the terse greeting from Natalie and 'did he not realise how late it was' and 'did he not know how concerned his father was about him' and 'did he promise to come straight home from school the next day' he'd kept it bottled up but there it was, persistent and ever-present, clogging his throat and pushing against his eyes and nose and mouth and threatening to burst out of him if he didn't do something soon. After his lecture from Natalie he'd all but sprinted up the stairs and he'd barely slammed the door shut and thrown himself face first onto his bed before it all exploded out of him in a rush – he crumpled himself up as small as he possibly could and _wept_.

He cried and cried for what felt like an eternity, the creeping darkness slowly curling round and enveloping him as evening became night, only the pale moonlight illuminating his room. He was barely aware of anything during that time, his eyes screwed tightly shut as though that would make everything go away, as though it would stop the incessant flow of tears; his hands balled into fists and his legs drawn up to his chest as if he could hide himself away from it all if he was only small enough. He sobbed so hard and for so long that he felt sick, felt as though he couldn't stop – he heaved and gasped and choked as great hot tears burnt his eyes and stained his cheeks, he couldn't stop, he couldn't breathe, he felt so sure that he was going to die here, in the dark, in the cold, and alone, so desperately alone, with no one there to save him. Eventually his thoughts became nonsensical, devolving into a sickening blur whirling all around him – his body jerking to the movements of the Puppeteer; Marinette's akumatized father beating him near bloody; his father standing on the edge of a skyscraper, ready to plummet; his mother leaving and never coming back…

He wasn't sure if anyone checked on him, but after a while he became aware of something small and soft and warm pressed against his neck, and a faint thrumming vibrating steadily through his whole body. The softness, the tenderness – it pulled him out of the dark space he was inhabiting, steadying his breathing, solidifying his grip on reality. He dared to open his eyes, and saw Plagg curled up tightly in the crook of his neck, purring softly, soothingly. Despite everything Adrien could not help but let out a weak chuckle, though it sounded more like he was choking – Plagg had obviously thought better of trying to comfort Adrien using words, and had instead opted for trying to comfort him in the same way a cat might comfort its owner. Adrien sniffled and rubbed his finger between Plagg's little ears, delighting in the loud, rumbling purr this action elicited from the kwami. As Adrien sat up, scooping up the little creature in his hands so as not to disturb him, he glanced over to the cheese plate sat abandoned over on his desk – left untouched from this morning. He smiled and tucked Plagg into the warmth of his pocket, feeling that low purr hum gently against his chest. He drew in a shaky breath and lay down, staring straight up at the ceiling, trying desperately to think of nothing at all. But all too soon that cold, terrible feeling began to gnaw at him again, and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't stop the thoughts he'd tried so hard to suppress begin to worm their way back into his mind. He saw every time he had failed Ladybug, every second of all those months he had spent watching her get trapped by Desperada replaying in his mind over and over and over again; he tried to shut his eyes again but he could still see it playing out before him, Ladybug vanishing into yellow smoke while he stood there, weak and desperate, unable to do anything but repeat it all over again, the sense of helplessness growing with every loop until he could take it no more. He balled his hands into fists and thumped them against the pillow angrily – why did he have to be so weak? If he couldn't protect Ladybug, what was he good for? He hated this, he hated–

A muffled tap against glass startled him. He opened his eyes and glanced at the window, tense and scanning, panicked, for any signs of an akuma – he cursed himself as he searched, he should know better than to let his emotions run away with him like that – but he found no sign of purple butterflies; instead he was greeted by the sight of a figure dressed in red and adorned with spots – Ladybug, his Lady; crouched on the windowsill and rapping her knuckles against the glass, a concerned expression on her face. Adrien was suddenly aware of how much of a mess he must look right now – eyes red from weeping, his hair unkempt and wild, clothes crumpled and creased from his tossing and turning – all around very unbefitting of one of Paris' top fashion models. Praying that the lack of light in the room would mask the worst of his appearance, he hurriedly wiped his eyes and picked himself up off the bed, padding over to the desk where the window's remote control lay. Opening the window with the click of a button, Ladybug climbed down from the frame and landed softly a few feet in front of him, but seemed to hesitate coming any closer.

"Nice to…nice to see you again, A-Adrien." She said, waving awkwardly in the darkness.

"Yeah…" he croaked, wincing internally at the hoarseness of his voice. "Yeah…it's…it's nice to see you too, Ladybug. Um, what are you doing here?"

Ladybug seemed to notice his strange tone of voice, her expression shifting to a slight frown that someone less familiar with her facial expressions might not have noticed. "Sorry, I-I know it's late, I…I just thought I'd check up on you after…after everything that happened today." She paused. "You know…civilians aren't really supposed to know the identities of Miraculous holders."

Oh. Adrien knew Viperion's civilian identity. He hadn't even considered that – given the circumstances it was probably impossible to avoid, and it wasn't like Ladybug knew that Adrien was already very well-versed in keeping identities secret so she had nothing to worry about – but still, it was something Ladybug cared deeply about and they'd seen for themselves how dangerous it was for that information to leak, with Chloe and Queen Bee. "Oh, right. Sorry."

Ladybug gave an uneasy smile. "No no! It's not your fault at all…" She paused again, a light dusting of pink rising to her cheeks, barely detectable in the dim light. "…I trust you to keep it a secret, Adrien."

Adrien felt his own cheeks grow hot. "T-Thank you…I, uh…of course I won't tell anyone." He gave his best reassuring smile.

Ladybug's expression told him that his reassuring smile had not been particularly effective. She smiled back, but it was like a modelling smile – a mask, and underneath he could see there was a sad expression in her eyes. He stood there awkwardly, hands in pockets, waiting for her to speak.

Eventually she drew in a breath and said; "Well, that's good." Another pause. "Adrien, I…I wanted to thank you properly for…for everything you did today. For saving me so many times."

He grimaced. "You really…you really don't need to thank me for that. I didn't do anything." He dug his nails into his palms as he felt that awful feeling stirring in his chest again. "No, I…I just got in the way."

"That's not–"

"It is." He said abruptly. "Please, Ladybug, please don't…lie to me." His plea came across more desperate than he had intended. "I mean, I-I know you're trying to make me feel better but you don't have to do that. I really did just get in the way. Not only that, I put you…I put everyone in danger." He swallowed, feeling a lump beginning to rise in his throat. "Every time I repeated, every new loop I…I risked your safety, the safety of everyone. If Desperada had ever caught me in one of those failed attempts…if I'd timed it just wrong…Hawkmoth would have won. He'd have our Miraculous. All of Paris…" He bit his lip.

Ladybug took a tentative step closer to him, looking uncertain as to whether she should fully close the gap between them. "I'm sure if that ever happened, Chat Noir would have saved us."

"He wouldn't." Adrien snapped, far too quickly. He hadn't meant to, but she had spoken far too confidently about that for him not to be worried. Ladybug clearly hadn't been expecting such a sudden response either. She looked taken aback. He scrambled. "I mean…I just mean you shouldn't – ah, _couldn't_ – rely on him. I mean he's…he's just the sidekick, right? Paris needs you more than it needs him. You're the one who can capture akumas and fix all the damage and you come up with all the plans and –" A frown that had settled on Ladybug's face right when he'd made his sudden outburst had deepened as he had continued to speak. What was he _doing_? He was veering into dangerous territory here – he could hardly say much more that he could pass off as something a civilian would know about Ladybug. Digging his nails into his palms, he spoke again. "I'm sorry, Ladybug, I just…I let you down. It was stupid of me to take that risk so many times. And if you could, please pass on my apologies to Sass too, I put him through so much for no reason." His voice was wobbling by the end, and he dared not look her in the eye.

He felt her slowly, tentatively, take one of his hands, balled into a fist, in her own. He could feel her eyes on him, and her voice was barely more than a whisper when she spoke again. "It wasn't for no reason. It was to save me, and I truly appreciate it, Adrien. Thank you." She squeezed his hand gently. "I still think you're more than worthy of a Miraculous."

He sniffed, before feeling her other hand rest on his shoulder. He looked up, and they were incredibly close now, her bluebell eyes boring into his own, so gentle, so kind, so full of _strength_. It took an incredible amount of effort to not just collapse and begin to cry again. Her gentle grasp on him kept him rooted, grounded in the warmth of her hold. "We all make mistakes." She said. "But you helped me more than you realise. Chat Noir does too – I'm only still here, doing what I do now because he helped me see strength in myself. When we faced Hawkmoth for the first time I…I was ready to give up. If Chat wasn't there..." She sighed, and leant in to whisper in his ear; "I hope one day you'll see that you've got that same strength in you too."

Adrien let out a soft, barely audible gasp, before Ladybug gently pecked his cheek with a kiss. She blushed as she let go of him and stepped back towards the window. "W-well uh, like I said…just checking up on you, and um…yes, well. Thank you again, A-Adrien. I hope I see you again soon."

Adrien blinked, quite unable to speak. "Uhh…yeah. Thanks, Ladybug." He said quietly, before coming to his senses and realising she had already left. He made a sudden lurch towards the window, shouting as loud as he dared, his voice croaking with effort; "Ladybug! I…thank you!" He called, his voice echoing around the empty street outside. "Thank you…" he said again, feeling the heat rise to his cheeks once more.

_Huh. Second chance._


End file.
